Sophomore girl dating senior boy
I had never really questioned my sexuality, and it wasn't something people talked about where I grew up.
But as I watched this video about what it meant to like your same gender, suddenly, everything began to fit into place, and for the first time, my feelings toward Jenna started to make sense.
After Jenna's ankle healed senior year, she was away a lot for soccer tournaments. After the ceremony ended, my friend Maggie rushed up to me and invited me over that night to celebrate. I spent the night with Maggie, giggling about the day and talking excitedly about the summer ahead and our college plans. Going to an arts school, I was suddenly surrounded by a number of gay students, which was a lifestyle I'd been pretty unaware of back in high school.
We'd grown closer as my friendship with Jenna faded. I started to question things about myself and my sexuality.
We even dressed up as each other for Halloween the next year.
Jenna put on heels and a skirt and I wore running shoes and her soccer uniform.
I realized that I'd always thought women were beautiful and I admired actresses for more than just being talented on screen, or because I wanted to look like them.I would write about how upset I was when we got into a fight, or how much I hated when she would talk to other guys. I'd worn it for years, but it didn't bother me at all to see her slip it on instead. She spent the whole time sitting at a table with him talking about video games. Did she really care so little about me that she didn't even feel the need to do her own fighting? If I saw anything that reminded me of her, my stomach would instantly knot up, and I'd try desperately not to cry.I never even considered that I was physically attracted to Jenna, but whenever she'd hug me, it felt different, in a good way, and I started to crave the rare times when she'd show any type of physical affection toward me. Even when you're not studying, you're at soccer, or at your brother's soccer game, or at the boys' games. " It was rare for me to blow up at her, but I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't really sorry, and I knew it wasn't really okay. I jokingly got down on one knee in the yearbook room and offered her the ring I always wore: gold with a purple heart stone inset. I felt proud, like she was declaring our friendship to everyone."We should change our Facebook statuses to 'married' now that you have a ring and all," I joked. I begged her to come dance with me at least once and she refused, and then got angry. After the dance, we'd planned to go together to a mutual friend's house for a party, but I brought a soccer boy with me instead to make her jealous, and he and I spent the whole party making out. It was like some invisible line had finally been crossed. I never felt this devastated over a friendship ending. I hadn't yet gone through a real breakup, but I wouldn't have wished what I was feeling on anyone.And then, that fall, I watched a video that changed my life.I was deep in the trenches of Tumblr when a video from a relatively unknown You Tuber called "What does it mean to be a lesbian? For some reason, I clicked on it, and then everything clicked for me.